Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
