The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
