Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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