What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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