I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
