he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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