Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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