it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
