What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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