Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
