Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
