yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
