This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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