im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
