Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
false alarm. still invincible.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
