Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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