can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
