So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize