She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
