wanna go halves on a baby?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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