i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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