I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
