9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
