It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
