If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
