Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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