I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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