i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
