And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
