Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
