i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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