soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
