I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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