It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
