I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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