woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
