seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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