Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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