i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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