Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
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i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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