Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
