I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
