Sry I called you an 8
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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