Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
