You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He has the fingertips of a God
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