Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
