I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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