and next time when you feel me up, do it right
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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