girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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