Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
