Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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