Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
