I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
