I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
