Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
