He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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