Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
