I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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