remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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