Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
