Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
