Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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