look no pants
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
