just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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