i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
