Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
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we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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