hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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