We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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