If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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