Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We named our party play list daddy issues
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
