i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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