How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
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There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
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It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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