Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
