I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
