I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
