Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'