Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.