You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.