I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts