just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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